Today I feel very sad, my husband John is terminally ill.
I am losing hope that he will get home from hospital although I have been told that this is the aim of the team!
I knew that this time would come, but you are never prepared or I am not.
I feel so sad I don't want to move because if I do the feelings get stirred up and I cry and crying makes me so tired and I don't want to be tired because I want to have the energy for the hospital visits, the talks with the staff, being with John, getting used to the idea that I cannot really talk to him anymore, or lean on him or tell him how I feel. He is on his journey in another place,sometimes i get a glimpse of "my John" but mostly his is a very ill man now on a journey that is taking him away from me.
It is unbearable, yet I am bearing it somehow.
