Dear blog,
I feel so low today, we had such a great weekend and I had such a sense of freedom. I feel like a butterfly having to go back to being a Caterpillar.Not sure it is possible, back to a restricted life, carers. medical regime, everything taking a long time, no evenings out, lots of laundry, sheets pyjamas, extra house work.
Lots of people visiting John , which means my life goes on hold, making tea, cakes, entertaining.
Mostly I don't mind, even quite enjoy it, but today, after the weekend, and the evenings stretching out, I feel like making plans to travel, to OZ, Hong Kong, Cornwall, Scotland, lots of places, new horizons. I feel like expanding The Metaphorical Toolbox, seeing more clients, I am not cut out for full time " home carer/housewife" I like it as one aspect of myself, but I like nights out, coffee with friends, travel, new courses, learning and teaching new skills,I especially like spontaneity which has totally gone from my life.
I know what Susan would say, cherish this time, someday you will wish for it back again, and I know what she means. But for today,it is hard going back into a caterpillars skin
John will be home tomorrow he has had a great time in London and I am looking forward to seeing him and hearing all the news.I just wish we could have our old life back, but if wishes were horses, I don't even know what this means. If wishes were horses, what?
I enjoyed the weekend, the play, the boys,the food, London, and I enjoyed yesterday,I saw two clients and feel I did good work. It is the prospect of slow days that are filled with routine things to do which feels hard today.
Not knowing how long this will go on for,is tough.I have been taking a day at a time and not look forward too much. But now somehow the thought of life continuing as it is feels very hard very upsetting,and of course there is the inevitable guilt I feel admitting that.
I watched Father of the Bride last night,it is really a silly film, not as good as the one with Spencer Tracey, but I missed my dad and just cried and cried for a while, it just hit me the sense of loss.
Maybe this is why I feel a bit down.
I will go for a walk that always me good. I have a sore foot and sore arms , Beth has been working on them, but I will go to the doctor too,I have just made an appointment for the 27th of February, seems a long way off. crazy.
All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well.
Peace , ah, peace, there is a river running through my life.
Thank you for listening Mr blog.
