Another April without you my darling John, I heard John Timpson on Desert Island Discs this morning, ( Timpson shoe repair shop) he lost is beloved wife Alex recently, she was the love of his life. he chose Buddy Holly -True Love Ways to remember her....the disc he would save if the waves took all the discs away.I cried for him and for me and for my girlhood, Buddy Holly was a big part of my every early teens.
I have been feeling a little below par lately, only able to eat a little toast or bread and butter and drink some hot water,I have been sleepless, and a little anxious, took me a while to realize that my stress levels are quite high , it dawned on me when I was on my way into town, walking, to see Hail Ceazar,and suddenly thought I cant face a movie, too noisy. That was a sign I was feeling stressed.
I have been facing some hard things, and missing you, and facing them because you are no longer with me.
I have things to look forward to. weddings, theater, seeing friends, my workshops, but I just want to see you , lean on you again, let you take over for a little while.
I am having the whole house painted before May, when I hope Philip will be home for a few weeks,he will stay with Malcolm.
The fuel allowance has still not arrived, very strange that it has not come this year.I find making those calls so stressful.I still feel anxious at times about money, but when I do the sums, all is well, another sign I am stressed. I always feel worried about money when I am stressed.
Onwards and upwards, I am having a facial this afternoon, which will help keep the stress levels down.
I love you. I miss talking to you. I miss our life ,my life with you,everything has changed, and nothing has changed in a funny way.
I have been watching Endeavor which I love ,you would too.Beautiful sets, great costumes and stories too.
I watched some old Poirot -Murder on the Orient Express.We loved that series many years ago in Hope Street.
I remember when we were running a course at Severn Trent Water Authority,you went on ahead of me, and I came on later due to working somewhere else before. I was trying to get the the Hotel, was it a Hotel, it was the Cadbury training centre we had rooms there.I was hurrying to meet you and to get there on time to see that night's episode of Poirot , I came into reception looking for you, and you saw me and came over and said I had walked into the place with such confidence, I was surprised, why wouldn't I. I realized they you were not quite as confident as me, you would have come in tentatively - on reflection you often wanted me to go in places first...and I did for a while, then I started to encourage you to go first, with me close behind.
All those memories from the theme tune to Poirot.
TT Helen x
