Hello darling
very soon your new grand daughter will be here.
I have heard form David and I expect to visit with them in March possibly around Johnny's birthday.
I miss you especially at the moment ;Christmas is in that air, the town looks and sounds festive, you would love it, we would enjoy it together. I feel lonely walking through the festive city centre in spite of all the shoppers ,buskers,big issue sellers. I am aware of your absence.
I miss you .I love you .You are my sunshine XXX TT.
Sunday, 27 November 2016
Tuesday, 15 November 2016
2016
Hello darling John
what a tough time I am having emotionally, since our birthdays I have felt sad, but now I don't tell folk so much because I think after almost two years, folk don't have the same patience and understanding. A brief how are you with no expectation of me really telling them, otherwise, they would not ask on the hoof...I miss Anita, we shared at a deep level with no judgement of each other.
I felt quite light hearted on our wedding anniversary, people for all around the world remembered the day and sent little messages, I think because of the date people remember,
The next day I felt very sad, it hit me again that you were not here, would never be here.
I miss you darling John, my best friend, my anchor in life's ocean.My guy who brought me tea all the time, cooked for me, poured me wine.Listened to me.
It was so lovely in Cambridge, Steve brought me tea a lot, he knows that I miss that in my life, that small gesture of his touched me deeply.Small acts of kindness make the world go round.
They both wanted to talk to me about real issues and I loved feeling needed and appreciated.
I am going to Johnny's this weekend,and I know we will talk deeply about your about life and we will cry and that is good, it gives me a place to be with you in what feels like a real way, the emotional connection with others who love you makes me feel closer.
I am not looking forward to Christmas, I will miss you in castlenel, my knight in shinning armour, my protector,your presence made me feel safe, and your absence makes me feel vulnerable.
I think I will do something different from now on at Christmas, maybe in Scotland, or on a tour with singles. I cant relax in castlenel without you, it is all skating on thin ice,and there is no need for me to do that to myself I am too long in the tooth.So one last effort for the family then in one bound I will be free..
I can't even be bothered with all the food and wine, all the over indulgence, a smoked salmon sandwich and a nice movie after the Christmas service at the anglican ,and a long walk,, would be my favourite. I am changing and I am getting older I like different things now.
Of course I like to see my family, but little and often is good for me and close to home too.
Mainly I like relaxed people .I feel ill in a tense atmosphere and I promise you that I will make sure I give that to myself in the future.....I feel a little sad and weepy this morning, I hear a lone trumpeter playing As time goes by,on Bold Street, and I walked for a long way cring and wishing that you were with me.
My grief in more intense at this time, hearing christmas Carols , putting up the tree, wrapping the gifts, making the cakes, all without you my darling.
I love you, I miss you, always TT yours forever Helen X
what a tough time I am having emotionally, since our birthdays I have felt sad, but now I don't tell folk so much because I think after almost two years, folk don't have the same patience and understanding. A brief how are you with no expectation of me really telling them, otherwise, they would not ask on the hoof...I miss Anita, we shared at a deep level with no judgement of each other.
I felt quite light hearted on our wedding anniversary, people for all around the world remembered the day and sent little messages, I think because of the date people remember,
The next day I felt very sad, it hit me again that you were not here, would never be here.
I miss you darling John, my best friend, my anchor in life's ocean.My guy who brought me tea all the time, cooked for me, poured me wine.Listened to me.
It was so lovely in Cambridge, Steve brought me tea a lot, he knows that I miss that in my life, that small gesture of his touched me deeply.Small acts of kindness make the world go round.
They both wanted to talk to me about real issues and I loved feeling needed and appreciated.
I am going to Johnny's this weekend,and I know we will talk deeply about your about life and we will cry and that is good, it gives me a place to be with you in what feels like a real way, the emotional connection with others who love you makes me feel closer.
I am not looking forward to Christmas, I will miss you in castlenel, my knight in shinning armour, my protector,your presence made me feel safe, and your absence makes me feel vulnerable.
I think I will do something different from now on at Christmas, maybe in Scotland, or on a tour with singles. I cant relax in castlenel without you, it is all skating on thin ice,and there is no need for me to do that to myself I am too long in the tooth.So one last effort for the family then in one bound I will be free..
I can't even be bothered with all the food and wine, all the over indulgence, a smoked salmon sandwich and a nice movie after the Christmas service at the anglican ,and a long walk,, would be my favourite. I am changing and I am getting older I like different things now.
Of course I like to see my family, but little and often is good for me and close to home too.
Mainly I like relaxed people .I feel ill in a tense atmosphere and I promise you that I will make sure I give that to myself in the future.....I feel a little sad and weepy this morning, I hear a lone trumpeter playing As time goes by,on Bold Street, and I walked for a long way cring and wishing that you were with me.
My grief in more intense at this time, hearing christmas Carols , putting up the tree, wrapping the gifts, making the cakes, all without you my darling.
I love you, I miss you, always TT yours forever Helen X
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