Darling John,
hard to believe that it is almost 3 years since you died and left me forever. Still hurts not to see your happy smiling face, filled with love for me.
I have spent time with Penny and family, Johnny and family in the run up to Christmas and we had good fun and we missed you,I think we always will you were such a gentle benign presence in all our lives.
I took part in a lot of festive events and enjoyed them , and thought each time, how much you would have enjoyed them too.
I had Christmas lunch with Andrew and Lucy yesterday ,I thought the day went very well, they were both a little stressed with all the responsibility, but they needn't have been ,there are always a few hitches, on Christmas day. I think it was a success.
Love and miss you my darling, wish I could see you and hug you and laugh with you again.
Your ever loving wife, Helen TT xx
Tuesday, 26 December 2017
Wednesday, 25 October 2017
Almost our 30th
Darling John
I don't blog very much now.
I talk to you at the tree at Sefton Park,in my head, at bedtime, and about you as often as possible.
I miss you ,naturally enough, but especially as we come up to our 30th wedding anniversary. The memories come flooding back about that lovely day and out happy life together.
Patsy and Kev ,Liz and Phil are coming over on the 31st to raise a glass to us.
That will be that last public thing I do to remember you my darling.I will always remember you as will the children.
I have seen a lot of the children this year, David and Lara and Olivia in Hong Kong and in Cambridge, Johnny and Ellie Archie and Martha many time in London and Cambridge, and Penny Steve Kate Johnny Felix and Harry the same many times all in Cambridge for them.
I see lots of Andrew and Lucy, thankfully, they are happily settled into life in their new home in Woolton. A place I came to know very well, when you were there twice for many months.
I rather like it now, I still have a wee pang for you when I am there.
Philip is now in Taiwan, he is enjoying it and at the same time reality is creeping in and he can see the cracks at the school now.
I miss him and would love to visit with him next year, possible with David and Lara and Olivia too.
That would be something. I have not been sleeping too well and feeling a little under par, I am pretty sure it is connected with the upcoming wedding anniversary.It brings up so many feeling of loss and conversely happy memories and feelings.
I carry on seeing my clients and Artist's Way groups, I know and hear my work makes a difference and I like that.
I see friends and family .I am learning the piano thanks to Andrew giving me some money from his shares :-) I bought a keyboard ;with the help of Tony , he is my piano teacher-he is very good.
I have joined the Liverpool Community Choir and I am back learning Spanish on a Saturday afternoon.
I am enjoying all those things, settling into the new ones gradually, I am wondering if this is to be my life now, is there something else I have to do what is my destiny now that you have gone, I believe we were destined to be together my love. Thank god we met.
I love you I miss you TT Helen xxx
I don't blog very much now.
I talk to you at the tree at Sefton Park,in my head, at bedtime, and about you as often as possible.
I miss you ,naturally enough, but especially as we come up to our 30th wedding anniversary. The memories come flooding back about that lovely day and out happy life together.
Patsy and Kev ,Liz and Phil are coming over on the 31st to raise a glass to us.
That will be that last public thing I do to remember you my darling.I will always remember you as will the children.
I have seen a lot of the children this year, David and Lara and Olivia in Hong Kong and in Cambridge, Johnny and Ellie Archie and Martha many time in London and Cambridge, and Penny Steve Kate Johnny Felix and Harry the same many times all in Cambridge for them.
I see lots of Andrew and Lucy, thankfully, they are happily settled into life in their new home in Woolton. A place I came to know very well, when you were there twice for many months.
I rather like it now, I still have a wee pang for you when I am there.
Philip is now in Taiwan, he is enjoying it and at the same time reality is creeping in and he can see the cracks at the school now.
I miss him and would love to visit with him next year, possible with David and Lara and Olivia too.
That would be something. I have not been sleeping too well and feeling a little under par, I am pretty sure it is connected with the upcoming wedding anniversary.It brings up so many feeling of loss and conversely happy memories and feelings.
I carry on seeing my clients and Artist's Way groups, I know and hear my work makes a difference and I like that.
I see friends and family .I am learning the piano thanks to Andrew giving me some money from his shares :-) I bought a keyboard ;with the help of Tony , he is my piano teacher-he is very good.
I have joined the Liverpool Community Choir and I am back learning Spanish on a Saturday afternoon.
I am enjoying all those things, settling into the new ones gradually, I am wondering if this is to be my life now, is there something else I have to do what is my destiny now that you have gone, I believe we were destined to be together my love. Thank god we met.
I love you I miss you TT Helen xxx
Saturday, 27 May 2017
Reflections May '17
Hello darling John,
how I miss you, your lovely gentle presence , your warmth laughter , holding hands with you ,hugging you, your smiling face.
I am home now in Liverpool for almost a month, but I am very unsettled, I miss you all over again, I miss Philip ,and David Lara and little Olivia ,who you would love love love.
I miss Susan and the travelling, I miss Libby and Ella and Tom..I was happy to come home,I was dying to see Andrew and Lucy and Sandra and Jackie and seeing them all has been fantastic, but when I say goodbye to them, I feel at a loss, I am not as settled on my own as I was. I think I need some work, that has always given me a purpose full-fill a need to make a difference to be useful.
Maybe I need some more counselling, as my grief for you an dad is very powerful at this moment. I missed Gavin too ,it was very strange not to see him in OZ at Wellman, and travelling .he has always been so much part of my visits to Australia.
I am considering training as a Doula a death doula. I think I would enjoy the training even if I don't use it ,although I would hope it would be a skill I could find a way to use.
I am getting close to Archie and Martha, which gives me joy, as I have always felt close to Kate,Johnny, Felix and Harry and I hope to be a good yaya to little Olivia too.
I think Philip has a job in Taiwan, we will talk tomorrow but his texts indicate this is so.If so I would like to go at Christmas, for a while and maybe on to Shanghai too ,why not if I am there.
I am not sure whether to try to settle here and promote my work, or make plans to travel and see all the children and grandchildren, or spend the summer in Castalla or a few weeks at least. or hide under a duvet.
I wish you were here with me, I would love to have a very long chat with you, get your thoughts on everything.
I would love to visit Ma and Pa in Kintillo ,and take a run up to Inveraray with them. I would have liked to visit with auntie Isa in OZ I miss the old days .I miss the old folks, my grief for you is opening doors to past griefs.I feel a bit overwhelmed by the feelings, I think it is making me feel physically ill I feel a bit queazy fragile and easily hurt.
Susan was talking about the possibility of another relationship, but it shakes me the thought of that, I think a special love like we shared is a rare thing, I don't think you get it twice, I had my beautiful moments with you darling John.
So I will continue to grieve for you and try to feel blessed about what we had.Of course I do but I miss what we had so much right now ,hard to feel grateful, just at this moment.
I love you and I miss you darling John....TT .....Helen
how I miss you, your lovely gentle presence , your warmth laughter , holding hands with you ,hugging you, your smiling face.
I am home now in Liverpool for almost a month, but I am very unsettled, I miss you all over again, I miss Philip ,and David Lara and little Olivia ,who you would love love love.
I miss Susan and the travelling, I miss Libby and Ella and Tom..I was happy to come home,I was dying to see Andrew and Lucy and Sandra and Jackie and seeing them all has been fantastic, but when I say goodbye to them, I feel at a loss, I am not as settled on my own as I was. I think I need some work, that has always given me a purpose full-fill a need to make a difference to be useful.
Maybe I need some more counselling, as my grief for you an dad is very powerful at this moment. I missed Gavin too ,it was very strange not to see him in OZ at Wellman, and travelling .he has always been so much part of my visits to Australia.
I am considering training as a Doula a death doula. I think I would enjoy the training even if I don't use it ,although I would hope it would be a skill I could find a way to use.
I am getting close to Archie and Martha, which gives me joy, as I have always felt close to Kate,Johnny, Felix and Harry and I hope to be a good yaya to little Olivia too.
I think Philip has a job in Taiwan, we will talk tomorrow but his texts indicate this is so.If so I would like to go at Christmas, for a while and maybe on to Shanghai too ,why not if I am there.
I am not sure whether to try to settle here and promote my work, or make plans to travel and see all the children and grandchildren, or spend the summer in Castalla or a few weeks at least. or hide under a duvet.
I wish you were here with me, I would love to have a very long chat with you, get your thoughts on everything.
I would love to visit Ma and Pa in Kintillo ,and take a run up to Inveraray with them. I would have liked to visit with auntie Isa in OZ I miss the old days .I miss the old folks, my grief for you is opening doors to past griefs.I feel a bit overwhelmed by the feelings, I think it is making me feel physically ill I feel a bit queazy fragile and easily hurt.
Susan was talking about the possibility of another relationship, but it shakes me the thought of that, I think a special love like we shared is a rare thing, I don't think you get it twice, I had my beautiful moments with you darling John.
So I will continue to grieve for you and try to feel blessed about what we had.Of course I do but I miss what we had so much right now ,hard to feel grateful, just at this moment.
I love you and I miss you darling John....TT .....Helen
Sunday, 26 February 2017
26/2/17 Travelling
Hello darling John
I am about to leave to go travelling ,next Saturday to be exact.
I will be in London at the weekend, and in time for Johnny's birthday, we will have a birthday breakfast together,after a family weekend.
I then get on a plane on Monday evening and arrive in Hong Kong the following afternoon, local time. I will spend a whole week with David Lara and little Olivia Grace. I will be attending their farewell to HK party. I am open to "what is I have no idea what to expect.
I will be arriving laden with gifts for each of them , mostly with a Scottish theme.
I then fly off to Beijing to spend a whole week with Philip, and again I am open to the new experiences I will meet over there. I am so looking forward to seeing Philip.
After a week of fun in Beijing I head back to HK for one night before I head off to Sydney to meet up with my dear friend of 50 years Susan.
I have a better idea of what to expect in Sydney although Susan says I will see a good few changes.
We are going to the sunshine course when I am in OZ and I hope to meet up with my cousin Hugh and his wife Sue when I am there.
It will be amazing to meet up with Libby and Gavin again , both now parents.
I am doing well, darling John, feeling positive ,a little lighter, less heartbroken, I remember you with happiness ,joy and gratitude.
You were, are, and always will be my sunshine darling John ...TT Helen x
I am about to leave to go travelling ,next Saturday to be exact.
I will be in London at the weekend, and in time for Johnny's birthday, we will have a birthday breakfast together,after a family weekend.
I then get on a plane on Monday evening and arrive in Hong Kong the following afternoon, local time. I will spend a whole week with David Lara and little Olivia Grace. I will be attending their farewell to HK party. I am open to "what is I have no idea what to expect.
I will be arriving laden with gifts for each of them , mostly with a Scottish theme.
I then fly off to Beijing to spend a whole week with Philip, and again I am open to the new experiences I will meet over there. I am so looking forward to seeing Philip.
After a week of fun in Beijing I head back to HK for one night before I head off to Sydney to meet up with my dear friend of 50 years Susan.
I have a better idea of what to expect in Sydney although Susan says I will see a good few changes.
We are going to the sunshine course when I am in OZ and I hope to meet up with my cousin Hugh and his wife Sue when I am there.
It will be amazing to meet up with Libby and Gavin again , both now parents.
I am doing well, darling John, feeling positive ,a little lighter, less heartbroken, I remember you with happiness ,joy and gratitude.
You were, are, and always will be my sunshine darling John ...TT Helen x
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
February 7
Hello darling John
I was visiting you at your tree the other day, it is very wintery in the park yet thee is a wee hint of spring too.
I have been to Scotland for Peggy's funeral, a sad occasion, she was only six months older than me. My only "big" cousin.It was really special to see Walter again and Frances and Susan , and Peggy's boys and their families.
I stayed with Sandra and harry and that was really nice, we ate nice food and after the funeral went to my favourite pub in Balloch and drank nice wine and remembered.
I felt very tired after that, came home worked for the next two days, the collapsed over the weekend, which did me the world of good. Lots of rest and sleep and walks and movies.
I am going to see pride and prejudice tonight at The Playhouse with Tony, he then heads off to Singapore and will not be back before I leave, so this will be the last meet up till May, when he is going to teach me to play the piano
I am adjusting to my new life now, I miss you I always will ,yet I am carving out a life for myself without your presence..although I feel you are around, I talk to you picture, I think about you all the time, and it is comforting, to know, I was and am loved so unconditionally by you.what a great gift you gave me darling John.I hope I think you know that I loved you that much and still do, too.
Not long before I am off on my travels to Hong Kong ,Beijing and Australia.I am looking forward to it all enormously and if feels good to feel that way, For so long after you died, I just could not be bothered.
I bought my first daffodils of the year and remembered that you always bought them for me...
"you don't bring me flowers anymore" goes around in my head, in fact, you can't bring me flowers anymore, but I buy them on your behalf. It gives me joy.
H, TT, XX
I was visiting you at your tree the other day, it is very wintery in the park yet thee is a wee hint of spring too.
I have been to Scotland for Peggy's funeral, a sad occasion, she was only six months older than me. My only "big" cousin.It was really special to see Walter again and Frances and Susan , and Peggy's boys and their families.
I stayed with Sandra and harry and that was really nice, we ate nice food and after the funeral went to my favourite pub in Balloch and drank nice wine and remembered.
I felt very tired after that, came home worked for the next two days, the collapsed over the weekend, which did me the world of good. Lots of rest and sleep and walks and movies.
I am going to see pride and prejudice tonight at The Playhouse with Tony, he then heads off to Singapore and will not be back before I leave, so this will be the last meet up till May, when he is going to teach me to play the piano
I am adjusting to my new life now, I miss you I always will ,yet I am carving out a life for myself without your presence..although I feel you are around, I talk to you picture, I think about you all the time, and it is comforting, to know, I was and am loved so unconditionally by you.what a great gift you gave me darling John.I hope I think you know that I loved you that much and still do, too.
Not long before I am off on my travels to Hong Kong ,Beijing and Australia.I am looking forward to it all enormously and if feels good to feel that way, For so long after you died, I just could not be bothered.
I bought my first daffodils of the year and remembered that you always bought them for me...
"you don't bring me flowers anymore" goes around in my head, in fact, you can't bring me flowers anymore, but I buy them on your behalf. It gives me joy.
H, TT, XX
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