Dear John
I ordered your flowers- daffodils-white carnations- some thistles-and lots of green. "A promise of Spring" it will be diamond shaped- because it is what they do- I decided to trust that is will lovely and we would like it.
Johnny and Penny are busy with your funeral arrangements- and packing to travel tomorrow-Andrew has taken today off work- to calm down a bit- from the stress of all he is doing for us- so he will go for a run- have his beard trimmed- " a gift from Philip for his Christmas' you go to a posh barber in Liverpool One and are treated like a king for half an hour- you would have loved it.
The I am meeting him for lunch- although I don't feel like eating- I will go it will do me good to get out.
Then he is working on your slide show. I think your funeral will be a beautiful event- so much love and thought has gone into it.
I am scared though- I feel overwhelmed- and I know it is such an important day-the last public farewell- we had our time at Marie Curie my precious memories of our last few hours together- are good memories- I felt calm and you were too.
The funeral stirs up so many feelings so much emotion- and that is why I am overwhelmed and actually feel quite ill...but I know it is all quite natural to feel this way..so I am normal..
I miss you my beloved John- if it is possible for your spirit to be with us on the day to see us though this time- that would be wonderful..your loving wife Helen x
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