Tree down to-day- chat with John !

Dear John

I miss you so much- everything reminds me of  you- especially the Christmas rituals -to-day we would normally pack everything away then go and find a bunch of daffodils- probably Tesco or Asda-a promise of springtime.

I am to buy some flowers for your coffin- but I want simplicity which you and I both appreciate- and flower shops offer set bouquets which I don't like so much.

I know I will have to be at your funeral dear John-and if it was just you and me I would be OK-- but this is so public- so many people the idea makes me feels shaky and scared.

I will tell you all about it afterwards..Johnny and Penny and David and their families are all arriving in Liverpool on Thursday - Johnny Penny and the gang are staying in Menlove Avenue as ever- and David and Lara in Hope Street Hotel -I think.
Sandra and Jackie are coming on Thursday to be with me- I am so grateful- we will go to Menlove to be with all the children for a few hours on Thursday night- it will be nice for my sisters to meet with your gang before the funeral.Andrew Philip and Lucy will all be there too.

They have all been stars-Andrew has done so much , he lives closest and he is happy to help.

They have all been fantastic...

I love my sweet peas picture my love- and my poem- finally after 27 years- you wrote me a poem- and it was worth waiting for...I love you dear John and miss you so much-can't imagine my life without you- so I take your advice and just live 15 minutes at a time.

Today the sun is shining and we have bright blue skies- and of course it is freezing cold. I am about to go for a walk in the park-hoping it will calm me down- I have been waiting in for the funeral director to come to collect your cloths - I picked out what I though that you would like- and a put my quarts crystal in your pocket- and one of my favourite photos of us on our wedding- us on the Mersey ferry kissing....and Patsy throwing confetti over us-such a happy day.The beginning of a wonderful adventure..

Blessings on your heart dear John.

Please give me strength to get through this- I always gained strength from you and felt so safe with you- no wonder I feel shaky .