January 15 catch up

Hello darling

I am only just beginning to feel a bit better this flu has hung around now for two weeks...but I think I have turned a corner.


I saw Philip Cantor last week for a coffee...he is doing so well, his grief is much quieter than mine, but we are both doing the best we can to live without you and dear Anita, I really miss her now I am starting to believe that she is gone.it is so hard keeping going staying positive when I miss so many folk.

The children my family and friends keep me afloat..and I enjoy living alone, I always knew I would, a new thing that I have never experienced, sixteen months now since you went to Marie Curie.
If you can't be here I don't want to live with anyone else. I like my own company, I like seeing my students, clients, friends, going to Fact.Tate.Galleries and the park.I like planning my courses, reading my books, watching favourite programmes on Tv and so much love Radio 4.

I like to give encouragement I am good at that and it is so much needed in this sometimes wonderful sometimes cruel world.I feel I have a contribution to make. I am able to take time to get to know people and be specific about their strengths and give support in the fragile parts.

It is good to feel useful ,you needed me for so long as did ma and pa,,,I felt a bit lost for a good while, but now I have found myself, my purpose once again, it was of course always there.

I am hibernating this month ,as we always did in Spancilhill,,,walking the dogs, reading ,cooking up food for the freezer...watching movies..being close...great times great memories of our precious time in Ireland..just you and me.

Kate is 10 now, she is lovely coming out of her shell...blossoming a joy to be a part of her life.

A joy to be part of all the grand children's lives. I love being a yaya , thank you for those children in my life...if it wasnot for you I would not have that lovely role.

David Bowie died the other day....the world is in shock.he had cancer and kept it quiet.he make  a very elegant exit.I loved him singing Dancing in the Street with Mick Jagger ,he made a stunning entrance.

Today Alan Rickman died..I feel so sad about his death, I actually shouted at the radio, no no no, I loved his work right since" truly madly deeply"  I remember we watched that film together and we both cried buckets.

The cycle of life....goes on...

I love you John Lightbody, always have always will...TT...Helen