Scary world

Hello darling

the world news is quite scary all the talk about is war ,death ,bombs..poor refugees who few people want to help....I find it quite depressing and I feel helpless

I really miss you darling...miss our talks....I am starting to feel quite lonely....something I have not felt for a long long time....I have to make the effort all the time to talk to another human....and it is always worth the effort...but it is much nicer having you here to just blether to.

I am lacking purpose...I am like a rudderless ship....flotsam and jetsam  floating about aimlessly.


I think I am in the lethargy stage of grief....

I miss Philip and Jackie and Anita and lots of people mum dad, aunts uncles grandparents no longer here...sometimes I ask the big questions "what's it all about" I feel like Woody Allen searching for a meaning.


I somehow got through our birthdays....now Halloween and our 28th wedding anniversary is coming up.....and I am going to scatter more of your ashes in Sefton Park on the day...I think it is a good day to do it...otherwise it is a hard day to get through...all the memories of all the wonderful Halloweens that we have spent together,,,,I have asked some folk to be part of that day....our children...people who were with us on October 31st 1987.....but right now I can't imagine the day....Andrew and Lucy are coming tomorrow night to help me plan the day...then we can just see who want's to fit in where.

I saw Martian the other day..I did not like it...but think there must be something wrong with me,as David Wood did enjoy it ..and I respect his view about anything to do with space things....I much prefer Apollo 13 much more exciting to me at least..I just could not suspend my disbelief....of course it could be to do with my mood, my stage in grief.

It does affect he way I see things.

I am going to meet Tony for a coffee at the Pen Factory.....he is usually in cheerful mood...hope he will cheer me today....I got a shopping delivered as A&L coming tomorrow night...I was going to get a take away..as I am away all next week..but in the end,,we will have some proper food.

I miss you my true love....I heard Pangur Ban the poem written by an Irish monk centuries ago.. which you read to me and talked about often..then I heard Prince Charles reading My Love is like a red red rose.....were you around here....are they signs..am I going mad....a year of magical thinking....that is me...it is poetry day today on Radio 4.....

TT Helen.....where are you ? xxxx