I feel stronger now, less likely to crumple at the drop of a hat, I described this to a friend as, the gaping hole in my middle is being filled in with lots of beautiful colours, and each colour is a memory of you dear John and a delightful one too.
However I did crumple a little on Valentine's day - I went to Fact to see You Got Mail-- deliberately avoiding Casablanca- your favourite film. Only to be confronted with lots lovers going into the" box" together, red cushions on the settees and chocolates being handed out by lovely people wishing us happy valentines day....I did MISS you my darling John at LOT at that moment.I can honestly say though I did like to see so many folk in love _ I heard a woman on the radio who said she felt resentment ,she has also lost her husband, that is sad. We have had out time, and now other people are having their time.I celebrate love in all forms. This beautiful blue planet hanging in the awesome universe could use a lot more love in it.We have so much to be grateful for and so many folk miss it they are so filled with rage and anger.
I have been out and about at the cinema, the Philharmonic, and tonight I am going to the Empire with Philip Cantor to see the ballet Sleeping Beauty.I think it will be wonderful.
This week I finished two of my six week courses they have both been really worthwhile; and exciting to see the movement in my students.
I have kept in touch with all your children partners; and grandchildren, who I am growing to love a lot,
They all have busy lives , time passes and then I hear from one of them and it lifts my spirits, I hope to visit Penny and Johnny in the spring, David not so sure when maybe the autumn.I feel sure the are happy for me to be in their lives, they are so loving and encourage me to visit and that feels good and true.
We are all busy folk and our intentions are good when you don't live close by you get caught up in what is in front of you, and as you know I always say, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you are with.
Philip is happy and in love ( I think) certainly enjoying the joys of the early stages of getting to know another person, and I hear less from him, and I am ok with that because his is doing what he is meant to be doing ,living life, they all are.
I see a lot of Andrew and Lucy, although Lucy has been very very busy this year and I have only seen her twice this year both times last weekend.she is thriving and glowing her business it growing and doing well, I feel very proud of her,and she is as lovely as ever.
Andrew is amazing he keeps in touch, helps we with all kinds of things practical and otherwise and we watch the match together go out for a drink together, make plans about entertainment and soon we will plan our trip to dear Julies wedding to Raph, I feel very included in his life and Lucy's and I think, I am not a burden, they have such rich lives, with friends work and travel, I am a part of their lives, but not in their way, I think about that because I know the people closest to the parents can feel they have a burden on their shoulders.
I know from experience how that can be.
I am in touch with Robert, I love that young man, he and Paul have moved to Bearsden and are so much happier there.
I would like to visit them and Jenny and Qwynneth next time I am in Scotland, I might have a longer trip when I go to Julies wedding and do some catching up with the families. I also miss Inveraray, it has been on my mind a lit lately, I miss being there with dad and with the children when they were young and loving Scoobie Doo and the freedom there.
Darling John I was at your tree the other day I go often, I can still see some you your ashes around the bottom, long may they be there, I remember when I noticed dad's were gone, it made me feel sad again, but them i realised that in the spring he is in the new leaves as you will be this spring and so the cycle of life goes on.
TT
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