missing you

Darling John

I am missing you too much, it hurts,

I tried to take your name off the bank accounts, the last thing I have to do and not been able to face.

A few things went wrong so it is still not done but at least I have made a move in that direction.

Fifteen months since you died, and 18th months since I have been on my own. I feel tired a lot of the time this last few weeks, everything s a struggle, Too much change, Anita gone too, I see Philip, and Tony too since he moved back, and I appreciate seeing them both, but it is not the same as Anita and Andrea. And no one can make up for your loss, this hole in the middle of me which I thought had healed up a little and of course it has, just some times I get thrown back to the edge of the abyss.

Andrew and Lucy are in France, I miss them not being at PPM , even though I would not usually see them, I know they are there.


David wanted to talk to me on Sunday but I was out with Rachel wedding dress shopping for her.Which was bitter sweet, she so misses having her mum with her at this important time in her life.

I hope to talk to him soon. Easter week this week, a sad week really if you think of the meaning of it all.

More sorrow in Brussels this morning, terror is every where.A sad loss in Donegal yesterday, a whole family drowned when there car slipped into the water,...and so it goes ......the joys and sorrow of life on this planet...all I feel I can do is be kind to each person I am in contact with ,hoping it is like throwing a stone in a pond, there will be ripples and the ripples will take the kindness further into the world.
I miss you-- today i could just close my eyes and go to sleep and be with you.....

onwards and upwards......TT   .....Helen