my health -today

Hello blog

I finally saw a good doctor to-day- Dr Pauline Pang.

She listened to me and took me seriously- I went straight from her to have a whole battery of blood tests done- tomorrow I will take a ( s) sample to the surgery-and within a few days I will go for an internal examination.

I am very grateful to her - yet her response gave me a fright. She says I should not have had diarrhoea all this time- so she is getting all the tests done to eliminate a lot of things- I go back on December 10th so I need to be patient now. She has booked me in for a double appointment.

I am completely shattered worn out and had enough-I wonder how long can I go on with life as it is now- completely suspended- waiting.

Johnny has been three time over the last week- one of the days we met with a humanist celebrant and a funeral director- very strange thing to do but as the family are so far flung- we need something in place for when the time comes.
The celebrant Bill Dawson is lovely sensitive kind and a good listener.The funeral director was awful- talked at  for 20 minutes- no listening at all- wanted to show us pictures of coffins with no sensitivity at all-also talked about the recent funeral of a six month old baby- all totally wrong and makes us wonder how he keeps going- even looked scary all in black- he gave both Johnny and I the creeps.

Johnny and I then went to the hospice and John was not too good- the hits just keep on coming some days.  I stayed a while then left Johnny to have some quality time with his dad.

Penny came on Saturday and spent the day with John ,and I went to the Christmas Market in Manchester with Philip-it was so nice to get away from Liverpool ,Ullet Road and Marie Curie.

I stayed over night with Philip and really enjoyed the evening meal, a glass of wine and a movie.

On Sunday morning I got a call to say John was not doing well- I felt awful that I was so far away- and guilty I had been having a nice few hours.


I got back to Liverpool and John was much weaker- had a temperature- and had a drip in.

I think it was mainly a reaction to the excitement of Penny's visit- but I know John  would rather see people and pay price later because he told me that.


So it has been a tough time-  the nice moments and short and the tough ones are long and I fear for my own health physical and mental too at times.

I have not been to see John to-day. Sarah went late morning and Kev went this afternoon- Andrew and Lucy might go this evening.

I really believe the hospital visits-- just being in that environment are getting to me-making me ill-it has been going on for such a long time-since 24th September -this year- and last year- three month of three hospitals - two years of hospital out patient visits- after this I hope I never have to see another hospital again EVER.

Now I wonder what is wrong with me- hopefully on 10/12 I will know what I have to know.

Somehow I have to keep going- getting out for my walks again- I miss my walks.

All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well.