The last few days John has not been too well at all- a bit confused- high temperature-I just sit with him- knit- hold his hand- go for machine tea.
He wakened up the other day- said " I am having a good time" then went back to sleep-he can still make me laugh.
Yesterday he made me cry- he was in pain while I was there- and the staff were working hard to get him comfortable- I felt very sad and helpless.
I told him I know he is tired had been through a heroic struggle and had probably had enough.
he said " that was wisdom" and yes he had had enough- I told him if he had to go- it was OK with me- that I understood and that I would be OK.I wanted to say' that 'because I always regretted not saying it to my Grandfather-- when he said he wanted to go- I said no- no-stay for your 90th birthday- but he was tired had had enough he wanted to be with "his Mary" I wish I had known to say Ok go in peace.
David is coming tomorrow from Hong Kong- he has not seen his dad since January- mainly because he has a new job in HK but also because Maureen his mum died in March so, early in the year he used up his holidays coming to see her and going to her funeral.
I have been making sure John is not too stimulated this weekend- I have been the only visitor- as he does not need to make an effort with me.
I am hoping he will have some energy for David- if only 10 minutes-a bit of quality time.
Johnny and Penny will meet him in London-and they will all travel by train from London to Liverpool- they should be at the hospice at 12 45. I will go at noon- and be there for the arrival- so we can all be together John his three children and me- then I will leave the three children with their dad- then Penny and Johnny will leave to go back to London- leaving David with his pa.
David will come here tomorrow night- I asked if he needs space or family with him- he would like Andrew Lucy Philip and I to have dinner with him- so that is what is happening.
Tuesday David will see John again- then leave his pa for the last time and travel to London then Hong Kong- poor David- such a difficult moment that will be.
Philip is staying over with me on Monday night- so we are both here if David needs us - to be with him at the hospice- after he leaves- or meet him at Lime Street for a coffee before he gets on the train or let him just slip away on his own.
A young friend picked me up from the hospice to-day and took me to Dobbies- where we had tea and cakes and I bought a Ponsietta - it was nice to be in a different space for a wee while.
So dear blog- that is all for now. time for a hot bath and some food.
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