September our month !

Hello darling

I have been to Cambridge and back since I last wrote to you....it was a wonderful time . I felt closer to Penny and her wee family,

I felt very relaxed with Felix and Harry they they are so accepting of me being their Yaya - I feel touched by this.

Kate drew me a picture of her and I :-) and she invited me to come to her ballet lesson with her....which was so touching and I really enjoyed it too.

Johnny is much quieter quite happy with his own company and with his own wee family....not sure what he makes of me - plenty time.......I am doing what I promised you my love I am keeping an eye on your children and  enjoying it and your grand children...it is a real privilege to have those little people taking me into their hearts.


I saw Johnny briefly he looks well has lost a lot of weight I think he is healing a little bit...Penny still needs time but when can she get that time..I will do my best to help.

I saw Mike for an hour one afternoon....he still looks so vulnerable and is quite emotional....misses Maureen --obviously-- and he does not have family and friends close as I do and I am so aware how fortunate I am to have my dear loving family and friends.....particularly Andrew and Lucy how blessed I am to have them so close and they really seem to want to spend time with me...I am  moved by that. I guess I thought at some level that you were the one folk wanted to be with because you are wonderful and very interesting..could talk on any subject and have such a great sense of humour.

I am not putting myself down I have good self esteem....I know my strengths....of course I do-at almost 67 years of age.

 It is lovely that folk like to spend time with me- when you are not here..:-)


I felt very tired when I came home .Penny and I spent a lot of time talking about you..which was comforting for the two of us....that can be very emotional of course we had a few tears... a few memories..all use up energy but I just rested stayed put and I feel more energetic again.

I have Jackie and Rebekka coming this evening....and Andrew and Lucy are coming for dinner....they have their Great Northern run on Sunday...I am so proud of them both...they are running for you dear John and Marie Curie who we all have high regard for.

I am going to Castalla on September 23rd to meet up with Johnny and Penny they arrive on my birthday which will be lovely but it will still be very emotional too.

The last two birthdays  you have been in hospital and Andrew and Lucy have been with me....last year you went in to Marie Curie on 24th September it was a relief really because by that time you were getting a lot of pain...I was grateful that they took you in when you went for that visit...Liz took us....that was the beginning of the end.....you never got back to Ullet Road....Matthew and Marie and the boys and their girlfriends were all here on the 25 along with Andrew Lucy and Philip....it was a good birthday-- I was feeling the relief at that time...the sorrow came later.

I miss Philip now...really looking forward to seeing him in Castalla in December.....we all miss you.

Gavin would have been 75 on 9/9....mum would have been 89 in August....Dad 4th anniversary is coming up on October 5th,,,,,,your 84th birthday is coming up....those dates are not easy ..or the build up to them is not easy....I wonder if it gets to the time you don't notice the date? or at least it does not cause so much heartache....they emphasise the loss somehow.

If I have a glass of wine I still raise it to you..there is a wee picture on the mantelpiece.....sometimes I raise my first cup of tea in the morning to you....I so miss you bringing me a cuppa ....I miss you saying " kettle on" or "candle lit"....which meant time to sit down and have a glass of wine and a chat...catch up on our day.

I am glad to have know you Mr Lightbody. it was an honour flying with you....

...TT   love always....Helen x