A New Year

Mixed Feelings

I felt quite fearful as we approached the new year.Up until now our goals are a few weeks away, things planned were manageable.

New year gives you 365 days to look forward to, I always wonder what the year hold. where will we all be next hogmonay?

This year those questions frightened me. I made a very big effort to make this festive season special for both of us and it has been.

The doctors are happy enough with John's health for now and encouraging John to visit London and Castalla.

January will be busy for us this year with travel and family events.

Other plans are in  February a trip to London with the boys, just one night at the theatre but I am really looking forward to spending 24 hours with them, travelling, the play " Twelve Angry Men" after a meal at Joe Allan's, and a night in a hotel, and the Sunday having breakfast and a look around Covent Garden.

In March another weekend with the girls, and maybe John travelling to London Cambridge,that will depend on how this next weekend goes for him.

I am conversely looking forward to all of this and scared it won't happen as John will be too ill or worse.

All the Christmas rituals this year were very poignant and the music too. Traditions are so good for us and they can be quite painful too.

Putting away the decorations I wondered if John will  be here next Christmas when I bring them out again.
I wish the doctors had not said a time, because I don't think they know to be honest, a rough idea maybe. It is very hard to live all this time since the summer with this on the horizon.

We know when people get to a certain get that the end is in sight, but it is unknown too.

All the hospital visits, nurses coming and going taking blood, take blood pressure, carers, coming in ,keep in in the front of my mind. I loved the three days off from carers over Christmas.

I have been trying to stave off a cold this season, I feel a bit achy and more tired, and in the morning, I feel congested, but I have not taken to my bed. I can't how would John manage? it s a big responsibility for me.I sometimes worry when I am crossing the road, what would happen if I got knocked down and killed, what would happen to John, who else can stop work and care for him
Even if I was just in hospital, that would cause problems.

Most people who are caring for someone knows it is temporary and that person will recover, or grow up , leave home. In many cares cases this is not the case, the outcome will not be a good one, this is the hard part.

We have had many technical problems this season, new apple tv one control panel for all the equipment DVD player not working, I set fire to the printer, my phone camera has not been working and I have had 300 photo;s in the phone waiting to be downloaded, I miss working with my photo;s on flickr.

At least the phone is working now, so I can get started on the flickr work.

We are getting used to the new TV things. I missed all my Christmas movies this year as the DVD player was not working, still worse things happened in the war, I can see them next year.

The weather here has been relatively good, compared to the rest of Britain, there have been terrible floods,and cold and snow creating it's usual havoc, here and worldwide.

That is all for now Mr Blog, good to be talking to you again.


Peace to the world and peace to us.