daffodil moment

Dear John

a little girl ran after me in the park yesterday -she gave me a daffodil head that she had picked- I thanked her very much she ran away- then a few minutes later she came back with another one- her name is Jessica and she is three years old- she lifted my spirits. I mentioned it on face book and Lizzie Wainright said maybe they we from you- you picked her to give me the flowers.....somehow that made me sad when I looked at the flowers.

I had a really hard weekend- well Friday was lovely I had dinner with Andrew and Lucy at The Quarter- I was so determined to enjoy that evening as I had had such a bad few days before- both Penny and I are very sad- as I promised you I am keeping in touch with her- with all of them.

Andrew and Lucy are off in France now snowboarding- they have such a nice life - I am so happy for them.

We are lucky John all our children and partners are good genuine kind loving people-heaven knows what we did to deserve them all.

I am sad about Philip going to China but for me not him- I am happy for him- he is feeling the reality of it now- I think he gets a bit overwhelmed at times- this is when I wish he had a partner- to share the joys and sorrows with...but that is my motherly stuff-- he is fine happy independent.

I missed you particularly to day- the printer would not print my google document on Oppression for tonight's group. I still don't know why- I asked our neighbour Ben to help- I heard he was upstairs- happily- he printed them using word- god knows what it is all about- but thankfully I have my handouts for tonight- poor Andrew I will have to ask his indulgence once more-I bet he will fix it easily - it simply would not show me the print button- it is now a save button.

As I was saying the weekend was hard- A&L away- Liz and Phil away Anita and Philip away- funny thing was I wanted to be on my own longed for it as I have been so busy-- but I felt lonely-for you of course. I have plenty people to do things with- but no one to do nothing with- I stayed with the feeling and did not call any one as I will need to get used to this...I think it is all part of the grieving- because as you know I like my own company and always have things to do and I like just " being " too- maybe the grief is highlighted when I know there is no one around- I am sure if they were all around I would not have contacted them- just knowing they are there is what is good.

I feel very tired today- I think all the crying is the cause- I had a lovely walk in the park yesterday then walked a long  way before I got a cab into the Anglican Cathedral.I went to evensong- the choir was wonderful- pity the preacher did not keep his mouth shut- rubbish sermon about sin--- yuk.

I have everything ready for tonight- all handouts done a cake made plus one for Kev he is home from hospital now- I made him a chocolate and coffee cake- it is in the freezer..so my dear love John I am off to have a wee siesta- rather than a walk- I need the rest.....much much love I miss you so much TT xx