Dear John
I am so sad to - day I really miss you and can't understand why you can't come back now---madness I know but it is what I am thinking.
I have been keeping busy this week I started a Lent Reflection Group -with the Artist's way group--a wee test to see if I can do it..I feel pleased with myself- I stayed in role- no getting into my stuff my feelings- stayed focused on the group. I also started doing a supervision session with B it is only once a moth supervision and once again - i did well- so this week for the first time since October I earned some money which feels good.
Andrew has been helping me with some forms - connected with possibly getting some help with the funeral costs- everyone says it is worth a try I might be entitled to some help- no harm done if not - so we finished the forms this week- no tears this time- last time Andrew came round we did not even get to the forms- I was to upset missing you my love.This time we got it done- he mended my printer- and showed me how to play Cd's on your PC...we had a lovely supper and watched Man U v Newcastle U -- we won -happy days.
I was called back to the hospital- I was a bit worried as the GP said all was clear- I went to see the GP again to find out what is going on- long story short I do need another exam-- but there is nothing bad- everything is benign- I feel Ok now I have everything has been explained to me-it is like my eye I need to go for check ups but everything is OK.
I went to see The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel it was fun and sad too- about ageing and death as well is exuberant life.
I saw Tony and Andrea this week they were in Liverpool house hunting for Tony - he may well move in to L17 which would be great for me- sad you wont be able to enjoy his company- you were very close in Ireland.
I am going out with Lucy and Philip tonight- to New Brighton which has been refurbished- so nice to see that- and we are going to see an Elvis concert at the Floral Pavilion.( not actually Elvis )
I think this will cheer me up I love his music- and we will be close to the Mersey too which I like
I had a few really good days this week- I felt calm and focused -then I met a woman Pat from the Adlerian society on Friday and she did not know that you had died- telling her set me off again- I just could not stop crying in the street- she was lovely about it -of course being an counsellor she was not fazed by my tears.
I had a spell when I felt you were close to me- but that feeling has gone again- maybe when I could not stand the pain any more it helped believing that you were here- or maybe you were here somehow-- we have no way of knowing.
I miss you John- I even miss travelling to Marie Curie a few times a day- although I know it was tough and all that-- but sometimes I just wish I could hop on the 75 bus and you would be there- smiling at me when I arrive- I miss you lighting up when I come into a room- something I did not even know I appreciated- it was part of my life for so long- I guess I took it for granted.
You almost always stopped what you were doing when I appeared- always had time for me..time to put the kettle on and ask what I had been up to- who was I with -how was I ? you were such a gift to me John...I miss you I miss that attention.....I always knew you were a gift I could not keep....but that is not much comfort now X
Hope you are flying free somewhere in the universe- with all the other angels.....
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